Miranda is sinking

 Page 33 from the series Before the Pirates Came*

Lydia Ogletree still believed in Miranda.  The trouble was, Miranda stopped believing in herself.  As weeks went by, her  manic episode melted into the inevitable state of depression. She began to draw conclusions that were purely erroneous, thoughts based on what her illness and the alcohol were telling her, not what was necessarily true.  The more her depression consumed her, the more distorted her thinking because.  Miranda was sinking.

Taking another class at the university was completely out of the question.  Her behavior during the final exam, the thought of her classmates watching her stagger out the room, was more that she could bear.  Even though most of her friends at school got drunk every weekend, she was too discouraged to see it any other way.  Miranda was very sad about her future– the situation looked bleak.  The only reason she didn’t kill herself was because her dog needed her.

She really didn’t care about Brian’s classmates who she would probably never see again.  That train had left the station and there was nothing she could do to stop it now.  As for the ladies at the club, and her friends at the Orchid Society, they certainly wouldn’t want someone like Miranda giving them a bad name.   She was too great a risk– it was hopeless.

She believed that Brian’s disappointment in her could never be repaired.  Come to think of it, her marriage hadn’t exactly been what she expected lately.  She wanted real excitement, not afternoons at the pool with a bunch of snooty women.  Miranda had faced the fact that life with Brian was getting dull, the shine had gone off the apple.  Even with all their trips and fancy dinners, she still wanted more.  Maybe the depression was coloring her thoughts, but she doubted it.  Or maybe the medication was helping her to finally see the truth.  It could have been the alcohol talking, but who knows. 

Brian’s desire to start a family had always made him so endearing.  Now he brought it up constantly, ignoring the fact that lithium and pregnancy do not mix, and being an alcoholic mom wasn’t a good idea either.  Maybe if they wouldn’t have become engaged on their third date and married a few months later, they could have talked about children in advance.   Miranda blamed Brian for his lack of foresight.  He was older– he should have known better. 

Lydia advised her not to make hasty decisions, that according to her most recent blood test, her medication was below the therapeutic level.  If she was willing to take an antidepressant on a short-term basis, her depression would lift.  And if she continued to judge her marriage so harshly, she could make a decision that would cause irreparable damage.  This was a time to practice good judgement.   But Miranda was certain that she deserved a better life– more attention, more romance, a man who had more time to fuss over her… in bed and out. 

She wanted to be somebody’s princess.

One night after dinner Miranda and Brian were having one of their usual discussions about kids.  Brian wanted four, Miranda wanted a little peace and quiet without having to explain herself for the hundredth time.  She told Brian about her needs, the things that were missing in her life that would make her truly happy.  Brian said, “You will never be satisfied with a man who is focussed on building his career.  What you need is someone who has already hit the big time… a rich, handsome guy who can give you what you want.  You need a man like Harry Stowe.”

A year later Miranda and Harry were married.

*This story is based on some true events, however, has been fictionalized and all persons appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

© 2012, Shoes for an Imaginary Life. All rights reserved.

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20 Responses to Miranda is sinking

  1. .endtransmission. says:

    Yeah, that whole “married after the third date” thing seemed like a good idea at the time. Not so much. Don’t feel bad, Miranda, I dated for a year and a half, and it STILL turned out to be a mistake. If only we could think with our heads and not with our hearts sometimes…. If only….

    • Linda says:

      Yes, if only. Maybe some people aren’t meant to be married, although Miranda will try, and try, and try. And maybe someday try again…

  2. Jan says:

    AA says we have to hit bottom before we can start to recover. Hitting bottom is very painful–as someone once said, it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop. This page reminded me of the prodigal son, who sank to living in a pig sty and eating husks. But oh the joy, when his father welcomed him home!

    • Linda says:

      The pig sty is soon to come. But there are some amazing blessings along the way that keep Miranda from the “sudden stop” at the bottom. Watch for another beautiful lady who prays.

      “Sudden stop” is wonderfully put… haven’t heard that before. P.S. I loved “Once upon a time…”

  3. My wife and I met on a Friday night, had our first date on the next night, and became engaged on the Sunday morning – 36 hours after first meeting each other. We were married four weeks later. We’re still in love after almost sixteen years.

    Okay, I’m ready for the next page and this Harry guy.

    • Linda says:

      I would have guessed you were still in love by your sassy silly comments on FB. God bless your marriage, Larry… and many more. ; )

      The “Harry guy” plays a critical role in the story and his life with Miranda begins on page one. A few pages, a quick read, and I know you’ll get the picture. All good, at least for awhile… : )

  4. Debbie says:

    I kind of got chills, Linda, about Brian saying that. And then there Miranda did indeed marry Harry. Love and hugs for you as you write this story. You are doing an amazing job and I know that God is using it. God bless you and give you strength and grace for your days!

    • Linda says:

      It was way back in the 80′s and I got chills just writing it. Real not imaginary. This is the first time I’ve really seen the whole connection between drinking, bipolar, and my relationships. I need to make some amends if the characters are willing to hear it. We learn that in AA.

      Story telling has me a little messed up right now. I’m grateful for my therapist (not Lydia) who is a wonderful Christian lady. When I see her Friday I will walk away blessed and renewed. She’s praying that God will use this, too. *smile* ; )

  5. Jim Travis says:

    Linda,
    On hitting bottom, I can remember the date, hour and exact time in my life when I was at my lowest point, funny how when we are broken to our basest of being that we never forget. One thing I am curious about though, the building front that says STOWE, wasn’t that Brian’s building and does that have anything to do with Harry? I was just curious if Brian was renting from Harry and that was how he knew him. anyway, as always, you are a master storyteller, but don’t let this work you up too much, don’t let “telling the story” rock you out of your good place now. God Bless always! Jim

    • Linda says:

      Harry Stowe’s publishing company was one of the quaint downtown buildings that Brian showed Miranda on her first tour of Providence… the day of their engagement. Can’t believe you picked up on that. : ) I kept including that pic so people might scratch their heads and say, “What the…?” I’m so glad you noticed! : )

      The AA meeting today was about hitting rock bottom. The old-timers said the same thing as you…date, hour, time. Unfortunately, we have alot of new kids that don’t believe they’re there yet… want to go out and keep trying. Good kids to hug and pray for.

  6. Tara says:

    I am so glad you keep the story going for us. You have quite a way of pulling us into your characters’ lives. It is always a great read when I open your blog. Sometimes you have lines so unique that they humor me and fill me with joy over your wit. The line this time, “the shine had gone off the apple”.

    Yet another great read. Thanks Linda!

    • Linda says:

      Thank you, Tara… It sounds like you have some encouraging words and wisdom to share this time, too! Heading right over…

      Always great to see you! : )

  7. Theresa says:

    I echo Deb. :)

    Hugs,
    Theresa

  8. Ferd says:

    I knew my first wife for 6 years before we married. We divorced 25 years later, and should have 10 years before that. The main problem, looking back, with the benefit of hindsight, was that we were just too young. Neither of us knew our “issues,” our “character defects.” Neither of us knew of codependent relationships, and that we would build a really good one!

    • Linda says:

      Great observations… but isn’t that just the way it was back then? I’m not even sure the word codependent was invented yet! I always admire the emphasis you put on personal growth… been giving that much thought lately. The pursuit of learning and discovering could be the most satisfying journey of all. : )

  9. ann says:

    “She wanted to be somebody’s princess.”

    And they tell me I’m spoiled? Ha!

    Every woman deserves to be a princess. I think so. I totally do!

    Blessings,
    ann

    • Linda says:

      My life is so different today, Ann. Family issues are just overwhelming and it’s hard not to say, why me. But it’s all about growth in the Lord. And I read my Bible more when the chips are down. We all have issues, I know. It’s great to have blog friends to share them with. Hugs… : )

  10. Great looking web site. Presume you did a bunch of your very own html coding.|

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