Page 33 from the series Before the Pirates Came*
Lydia Ogletree still believed in Miranda. The trouble was, Miranda stopped believing in herself. As weeks went by, her manic episode melted into the inevitable state of depression. She began to draw conclusions that were purely erroneous, thoughts based on what her illness and the alcohol were telling her, not what was necessarily true. The more her depression consumed her, the more distorted her thinking because. Miranda was sinking.
Taking another class at the university was completely out of the question. Her behavior during the final exam, the thought of her classmates watching her stagger out the room, was more that she could bear. Even though most of her friends at school got drunk every weekend, she was too discouraged to see it any other way. Miranda was very sad about her future– the situation looked bleak. The only reason she didn’t kill herself was because her dog needed her.
She really didn’t care about Brian’s classmates who she would probably never see again. That train had left the station and there was nothing she could do to stop it now. As for the ladies at the club, and her friends at the Orchid Society, they certainly wouldn’t want someone like Miranda giving them a bad name. She was too great a risk– it was hopeless.
She believed that Brian’s disappointment in her could never be repaired. Come to think of it, her marriage hadn’t exactly been what she expected lately. She wanted real excitement, not afternoons at the pool with a bunch of snooty women. Miranda had faced the fact that life with Brian was getting dull, the shine had gone off the apple. Even with all their trips and fancy dinners, she still wanted more. Maybe the depression was coloring her thoughts, but she doubted it. Or maybe the medication was helping her to finally see the truth. It could have been the alcohol talking, but who knows.
Brian’s desire to start a family had always made him so endearing. Now he brought it up constantly, ignoring the fact that lithium and pregnancy do not mix, and being an alcoholic mom wasn’t a good idea either. Maybe if they wouldn’t have become engaged on their third date and married a few months later, they could have talked about children in advance. Miranda blamed Brian for his lack of foresight. He was older– he should have known better.
Lydia advised her not to make hasty decisions, that according to her most recent blood test, her medication was below the therapeutic level. If she was willing to take an antidepressant on a short-term basis, her depression would lift. And if she continued to judge her marriage so harshly, she could make a decision that would cause irreparable damage. This was a time to practice good judgement. But Miranda was certain that she deserved a better life– more attention, more romance, a man who had more time to fuss over her… in bed and out.
She wanted to be somebody’s princess.
One night after dinner Miranda and Brian were having one of their usual discussions about kids. Brian wanted four, Miranda wanted a little peace and quiet without having to explain herself for the hundredth time. She told Brian about her needs, the things that were missing in her life that would make her truly happy. Brian said, “You will never be satisfied with a man who is focussed on building his career. What you need is someone who has already hit the big time… a rich, handsome guy who can give you what you want. You need a man like Harry Stowe.”
A year later Miranda and Harry were married.
*This story is based on some true events, however, has been fictionalized and all persons appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
© 2012, Shoes for an Imaginary Life. All rights reserved.